How much is that space worth to you??

I am not a morning person. Getting out of bed each morning is the hardest thing I have to do all day, particularly since my morning starts approximately an hour and a half earlier then I had been previously used to. I do spend more time picking out my outfit and doing my hair since I work with 5,000 people now instead of 10. But those things do not motivate me to get up earlier. Plain and simple, I am motivated by fear. My greatest fear has a name…parking.

At my previous job, I worked in an industrial park where parking was not an issue. But with my move to the big bad city, this has become foremost on my mind each morning. On my first day of work, I received an agenda where a discussion revolving around parking was allotted 20 minutes. I was informed of the “desirable” locations as opposed to the “Loser’s Lot” (you have to take a shuttle to the building and everyone points and laughs at you as you disembark) Should you choose to walk from said lot, you run the risk of being mugged. Seriously, there was a memo about it.

Needless to say I did not want to get mugged or ride the short bus to work. The only way around this stigma is to arrive at work before 8:00 am. Ouch.

On most mornings this is not an issue for me. I arrive at a half full lot around 7:40 and have my pick of spaces. At 7:45, the activity in the lot picks up a little as people start getting nervous that they are not going to get a space. By 7:50, the lot has reached a frenetic pace with pedestrians jumping out of the way so as to avoid the cars speeding around in the hunt for one of the few remaining spots. They spend the next 5 minutes trying to squeeze their SUV into a spot reserved for a motorcycle.

Those poor souls arriving at 7:55 do one sad lap of the lot in the hopes that they may get lucky and get a spot that someone else missed. These individuals are forced to head to the Loser’s Lot with their head hung in shame.

I have heard all sorts of urban legends regarding parking around the office. If you have been employed with the company for 567 years, you get reserved parking and can breathe a sigh of relief. Otherwise, you are forced to get creative.

People park in the lots of other businesses in the area. They have to rotate this practice though so the business does not catch on and tow them. Some have gone so far as to call in favors from friends and relatives to get parking passes from these businesses.

I am not above using my feminine charms in the pursuit of parking. Once when I had a doctor’s appointment and had to come in late, I flirted with the security guard to let me park in the visitor’s lot. I also recently found out that a gentleman acquaintance of mine is in charge of a conveniently located lot where he told me I could park in a pinch. I have seriously considered taking him up on his offer despite the fact that we are currently playing that fun game of who is going to cave in and call the other first. Although extremely tempting, I cannot fold over parking.

There is one loophole. I have been privy to the location of a secret street in which one can park from free without getting a ticket. The catch is that there are only about 10 spots and you are not allowed to disclose the location of the lot. A co-worker once saw the short bus going by one morning and he was forced to duck behind his car so the passengers wouldn’t see him, thus protecting the sanctity of the secret street. This ain't no joke snowflake.

I am a little nervous about what is going to happen after the first snowfall. I am afraid I may witness the apocalypse.