Freak Show

The McDougall family is very big on day trips. Last week was Newport, this week, exotic Springfield, Mass to take on the legendary Big E. (I had the day off yesterday so, for those of you who are counting, that is the 2nd Monday in a row I have had off. But seeing as I worked all weekend, I am entitled.)

For those of you who have never been to the Big E, it is quite an experience. If you are interested in buying a pool, seeing the world's largest pig, Chinese acrobats spinning plates and riding unicycles and the winner of the most perfect Christmas tree competition, this is the place for you. It is the most eclectic gathering of vendors, animals and all other life forms I have ever seen assembled in one giant field.

I go to the Big E for two specific reasons; to eat and to pay $1 to see the funniest exhibits known to man. This year was even more fun then previous years because my 13 year old cousin came with us. He was thinking that he was taking the day off from school to go to a Six Flags type fair. Man was he surprised when we got there and saw that the "fair" had more cows than rides. Hilarious.

Back to our $1 exhibits. My cousin and I decided that we were going to hit up all of them. The first one we visited had live bears. One of the bears was the biggest thing I have ever seen. However, you cannot keep a giant live bear in a ghetto ass trailer without the threat of the bear becoming enraged and ripping apart unsuspecting fair-goers. Therefore, this bear was EXTREMELY tripped out. You could see it wobbling like a drunk as it struggled to live up to it's fearsome expectations.

The next one was the giant pig. I believe they billed the pig as being large enough to make enough sausage to fill 1000 people. If you ask me, this is probably not the best advertising campaign to get kids to your exhibit. "Hey kids, come see Wilbur before we sell him off to Jimmy Dean or you find him as part of your next Fenway frank." Just my opinion.

I missed the giant shark and piranha exhibit. But according to my cousin, we've seen bigger sharks on vacation.

Last but not least...my favorite reaction came from the exhibit claiming to have the world's only unicorn. And you can see it for only a buck! Now, I had visions of a horse with a horn tied around it's head. I refused to be suckered. Not even for one dollar, I had to draw the line somewhere. So my cousin went in to see what it was all about. It was even worse then I thought. It was not a horse, but a cow. A cow that would normally have 2 horns had apparently lost one horn in a freak accident, leaving it with only one horn . Apparently this qualified it as the world's only unicorn. Not sure how anyone arrived at this conclusion but ok.

The best part was the amount of people standing in line to go in with their cameras ready. They were so excited to see a real unicorn. This made me very sad for the future of mankind. I just wanted to yell at them "Hey dumb ass, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A UNICORN!" But alas, I was content to sit and make fun of them.

That was the end of anther eventful year at the Big E. I can only wait until next year to see what freaky exhibits they can come up with. A 100 foot python made of plastic? Maybe a house cat wearing a fake beard can be the world's smallest lion. I don't know, but one thing is for certain, in most cases (not the unicorn) it is worth the buck to see what these people can come up with.