I’ve been thinking about change a lot lately. Ever since I was a little kid, I was under the impression that change is bad. The fear of the unknown, leaving the familiar behind. It was just so stressful that I choose to avoid change at all costs.
My life has changed immeasurably as I have been forced to make some very difficult choices over the past 18 months or so. I ended a very serious long-term relationship with someone that I was still in love with. I bought property and moved out on my own, fully supporting myself (FYI…I now even get my own cell phone bill) My career veered wildly off the path I assumed it would take.
Each of these incidents caused me to be a mess for varying amounts of time. But in the end, I survived them and in retrospect, have been grateful that they occurred. It helped me to be stronger and to define what it is that makes me happy. I assumed most of the things in my life were making me happy. But the truth is, I was content. Things were comfortable...there was no change. But I wasn’t happy.
Since I have been forced against my will to confront change at most every juncture, I have learned to embrace it. You get the opportunity to spin off in a new direction, maybe to a place you never thought of before. And it’s not scary, it’s exciting. It is something new, different and not at all safe. And that’s what makes life interesting.
I am done playing it safe. I may have to face more hurt, stress and heartache but consider the exciting challenges and new beginnings that could also be in store for me. I am willing to take those odds. At least I’ll feel like I am alive.
***SPECIAL NOTE: To those of you who had to deal with me through one or all of my ordeals, I apologize! I know I was a psychotic pain in the ass. Thankfully, I have been back to my normal, charming self over the past few weeks and have (hopefully!) left all of the drama behind me.
VerveEarth
About Me
- McDougall
- "if I could just unzip myself and step out and be someone else, I'd wanna be you. You're all heart, Rock."
12 comments:
Wow McDougal - this blog has hit especially close to home for me. So, as I myself face starting a new job, moving to a new state, and sharing a new home (all within the next few weeks)I can definitely tell you that you're not alone in your anxiety over change. Even though your mind tells you it's for the best, it's very natural to feel uneasy.
I have to thank you though for the timing of you latest post because it's helped to remind me that change that moves you forward in life is always for the best :-)
I have actually been very happy to notice the positive changes in you the last few weeks. The biggest change has definitely been the Pollyanna attitude! I don't remember the last time you have been this positive...good for you. :)
Pooh: "Tough day...iced tea!" An all time classic Snyder quote!! Dad just used it the other day.
Mato: I am definitely sad to see you leave, but I am so happy for you too. It is very exciting to be making such a big change. Let me know when you want to make a HomeGoods run. McDougall and I will come down!
These comments are all such a part of an inner circle in which I don't belong - so most of it is like trying to read german...
Ized Teh PolziHzana Suzi ZunShin
But none the less, I always have at least a few things to say...
I still have no idea who Mato is, but, whomever you are, good luck to you!
--What state? What job?
(I suppose it's not my place to ask questions like that, but if I am going to bother reading the stuff, some details would be good... I guess I am a curious reader... although I think they say something about that and a cat and it all not ending well...? haha)
Speaking of jobs... McD - I thought you said you were officially becoming unretired... but, no details on what, where, when, etc...
Maybe it sucks and you're leaving?
Maybe you haven't started yet?
Maybe it was something you kept within the inner circle?
I dunno... man, I am really off on tangents today... what was the topic? oh yeah...
I think major change is basically 1 of 4 things:
Where you live.
What you do for work.
Who you are with.
Having Kids.
(or infant bartenders?!??!? I would have thought they were more PATRONS than tenders...haha)
For me, my life has been stagnent for a while... I have lived in the same place for the last 6 years, haven't found "the one" yet, although the career has steadily and continually improved... but right now seems like the calm before the storm... Half of me is eager for the storm to hit...even excited about it... but then the other half has the "careful what you wish for" mentality... right now I am not sure which is wiser!
Since you have been a loyal reader anonymous, I will try to clue you in...
Mato is a close family friend. We are both from CT and went to college in SC. We met the first week there and needed to bitch about Southerners, so we became instant friends. I have family in Hilton Head, so during one year, Mato was actually at more of my family gatherings than her own.
Tough day...iced tea! When we were younger my parents always kept a green Tupperware pitcher full of Lipton iced tea. After a particularly tough day of elementary school, Pooh came home and said 'Tough day...iced tea!' and proceed to pour herself a large glass of iced tea. We all laughed hysterically and the quote lives on.
Infant bartender, Pooh, McDougall and I all took a trip to Tucson. Check the Nov 22 blog 'I've got Spurs that Jingle, Jangle, Jingle'. There is a picture.
HomeGoods runs are trip to a home store name HomeGoods. We typically fill the carriage with prospective purchases and then decide on the final purchases when we reach the register. Typically, everything becomes a final purchase.
As for the whole change thing, I am getting married in exactally one month to Mr. Mooski. I am extremely excited about this. I think the next big change might be the career. I am definitely going to need a large glass of iced tea after this day. Although Mooski was very sweet and just brought me a Twix because I just vented to him about how much this job is pissing me off.
That actually brings me to another insider detail, Mooski and I work together. Not together together as we are on different teams. However, I did interview and hire him...we started dating a year later.
Pretty good run down of the inside info Eboogie. Thanks for the well wishes of course I'll totally miss you guys too, but we can discuss more offline (oh god, I hate it when I use office lingo in the personal life).
You and McDougal (and Pooh too if she's back on the east coast) definitely have to come down once I buy my own place.....I'm counting on you guys to decorate it!!
WoW! Kudos to eboogie for getting me completely up to speed... well done... I feel like I just penetrated a ring of the inner circle...
(Whooah, that statement was not at all premeditated as it appears! but, I still have to leave it...lol)
I find it decidedly convenient that you hired your future hubby... hmmm (congrats by the way...) Also, "you work together but not on the same teams?"
What are you professional figure skaters? haha....
Mato, I am happy for you but we will miss you. Don't forget that you are going to be my roommate in Prague!!
You should see Moose on a pair of figure skates...brings a tear to the eye.
It is funny because Moose came to his interview in an illfitting "suit". The jacket and pants were two completely different shades of grey. I found out later was some concoction of dress pants and an old suit jacket of his dad's. He has since purchased an actual suit.
We are actually ice dancers! How did you figure it out? Is it because our town is the figure skating capital of the world! Olympics 2010...here we come baby!
Just a note of warning anonymous...Pooh, Ma B, Aunt J and Flowergirl KK are in town this weekend. I would keep up your good behavior and not make any scathing remarks!
I am surprised to hear that you hired him despite his attire.
And yes, that is sarcasm... I would have thought the judgement based on clothing was a family thing...lol...
Soooo, with that said, I think you were smitten...lol...
Also, why wear a suit to an Ice Dancing tryout... hmmm.. wait a second here...
ahem... "scathing remarks"...
who, me?
Do I need to keep reminding you all that the only one I ever made, I didn't actually make, you all only thought I made it?
Wait, what did I just say...
yeah, that's what I meant...haha...
Also, no clue who flower girl is, and Aunt J - well, I can take a stab and say she's an aunt.
BUT, needless to say, it seems like the McD Posse of women has doubled it's forces this week and I will certainly be on my most bestest behavior...
LATE ADDITION: Tricky word verification... m could be an r and n next to each other... what do I do?... I am going for the r n.
Aunt J is my mom's sister and Flowergirl KK is her 7 year old daughter (she is a flowergirl in our wedding...hence the name). Both are very cute, well dressed and extremely loyal. Pretty redundant to say since they are McD girls.
You only have to behave for another day because Pooh is leaving tonight. :( Ma B, Aunt J and Flowergirl KK are leaving tomorrow. :( :( :(
Anonymous...I don't know what kind of a crazy mood you were in for this blog but let me tell you, tbone and I were literally laughing out loud when we read your comments. For some reason they struck us as particularly funny (probably total exhaustion after hosting a weekend of guests culminating in a late night visit to the ER with 'flowergirl'last night). Thanks for the much-needed laugh.
Asside....it only took 26 years to get McDougal off of our cell phone bill and onto her own
I am glad I was able to provide some much needed comic relief!
However, I have either good news or disturbing news... depending on how you see it...
(Depending on if you meant that "I was in a crazy mood when I wrote" or "you were in a crazy mood when you read it"...)
Because I was in no particularly mood, just normal me as I always am!
Also, I do hope it was nothing serious with FlowerGirl... I am guessing it was maybe a high fever or something... She seems a little old for the typical "tripped and cut her brow on the coffee table" routine... (One memory which I proudly display over my left eye.)
Funny thing though, my brother has the same scar only on his right eye... so when we look at each other it's a mirror image.
Even funnier... same coffee table.
(Ya think they would get rid of that thing... now I await one my my nephews to be initiated into the club...on the same coffee table of course...)
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