The Joy of Getting

Ray Liotta is out in full force. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the reference, that is my Christmas nickname. It was derived in homage to an episode of the now defunct TV show “Just Shoot Me” where Ray Liotta, playing himself, is totally obsessed with Christmas. So much so that he decorated his whole house like Santa’s workshop and even goes so far as hiring midgets to wrap presents for him…his very own elves.

I love Christmas. I love the decorations, the constant family gatherings, the food, the gift giving, the carols and just the general warm and fuzzy feelings it evokes.

My Christmas season kicked off on Sunday morning when I decided it was time to put up my tree. So I trudged down to the basement to pull my fake, perfectly pre-lit tree out of storage. I acquired this tree last year on Black Friday…or as I like to affectionately call it, The Most Stressful Day of My Life. Never again.

Anyway, much to Gail B’s astonishment, I put my huge muscles to work in getting that sucker upstairs by myself. It took me the better part of an hour to get the tree up and to separate all of the branches that had gotten flattened over the year it had spent in the box. Then I took a deep breath of relief…only to inhale that most festive of tree smells…basement. Enter a healthy dose of Fabreeze.

Once the tree was standing and electrified, I started on the decorating. I pulled out my roll of ribbon and started winding it around the tree. My compulsion to have things balanced and even made this a daunting task. I put the ribbon on the tree and stepped back to observe my work. It wasn’t even. I tried again. Same result. I got it right by about the 5th time but when I looked at it from a different angle, it was still not right. I started again from scratch. This went on for about 20 minutes before I finally let it go. But from now until Christmas, I will be making minor ribbon adjustments daily.

Then I moved on to the ornaments. I had forgotten what I had bought in previous years so unwrapping the tissue paper surrounding each one was like my first taste of Christmas morning. When I set them all out on the table, I realized just how girly my tree was about to become. I am thinking that one day I will hear my own version of the “Christmas Tree, Unfair to Zach” song being sung around my house.

Now that the tree was up, I needed to get some presents under it. There is nothing sadder then a lonely Christmas tree. So last night, in the company of the Midge (my own elf!) I wrapped the four presents I have bought so far.

So now that the tree was done and presents were being compiled and wrapped, it was time to get down to the real business of the holiday season. Those damn Christmas cards. Last night, I defeated the beast…I finished writing and stamping all 56. I had to up the ante this year if I have a shot at winning the Christmas Card Competition as described in last year’s blog.

To date I have received 5. I think this is a good start given the fact that it is December 6th and I haven’t even sent mine out yet. The taunting and the phone calls relaying the daily totals have not started, much to my dismay. Does this mean we are growing as people? God, I hope not.

So here is to a great holiday season filled with joy, the spirit of giving and some serious ass kicking. Bring it on!