As a concerned citizen, last night I exercised my constitutional right to vote. I headed down to one of the local elementary schools where I used to play basketball back in the day; now the command center for Newington Voting District 6. As I was walking up to the building, I was greeted by all of the last minute campaigners wearing their sandwich boards in one last ditch attempt to round up some votes.
Once inside the school gym, I realized that I was about 67 years younger then every other person in the room. And they were all staring at me and smiling. I was the fetus voter…and they were excited that young people were taking an interest. An old man even offered me a doughnut in thanks.
Once I stepped into the voting booth, I realized that my townie status was going to make this a very difficult process. I knew something about every candidate and it had nothing to do with their politics.
Do I vote for the Chief of Police’s wife whose son was a derelict I went to high school with who used to get out of drug charges because of his daddy? Or the really obnoxious midget football mom who my mom hates because she hits on my dad?
Will the man whose family owns the town ice cream shop and whose daughter tried to steal my sister’s boyfriend in high school really make a good mayor?
How about electing my former English teacher’s wife who slept with him back when she was his student? Is this the woman I want on the Board of Education?
And then there is the dad of a guy who my sister dated who spread horrible rumors about her after they broke up running against the another Midget football parent whose kid we don’t like.
What’s a girl to do? I voted based on the following mantra…if the kids are assholes, they had to learn it from somewhere. Therefore, I refused to vote for their parents. I mean these bastards control my taxes.
I made my decisions, pulled the lever with authority and exited the booth. I got my “I voted today” sticker and went on my merry way.
Wisteria Lane has got nothing on Newington politics.
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4 comments:
I didn't get my 'I voted' sticker! The stupid old guys were too busy flirting with stupid old chicks. Boo!
I basically used your criteria with one exception...
ice cream shop guy voted for him. I did this despite the fact that his daughter hated me in high school because she thought I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She is a stylist at the local salon, so we have made peace.
ex-English teacher's wife did not vote for her. I was not over the fact that he hit on me during the middle of English class and she was my real estate agent for a while until I replaced her because she was too pushy.
football mom who hit on our father did not vote for her I just think that lady is crazy. Her campaign signs had her nickname on them. How can you take a politicial seriously who calls herself 'Puba'?
I did the opposite. Don't like the ice cream girl. She gave me bad haircuts when I used to go to her. Not cool with the English hoochie even though her husband wrote my college recommendation. I figured the football chick is never going to get a piece of my dad, so she is harmless.
to eboogie and mcdougle...
I appreciate the not voting for the father of the idiot who spread the nasty rumors about me in high school. I have no idea who the English teacher and wife are but that would be great gossip for me to be updated on as soon as possible! I don't like the ice cream chick either but if eboogie is over it...so am I! I can't wait to be a "townie" too!
-Pooh
The English teacher is Hall.
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